Auntie's Hideaway

You know, every once in a while, I completely astonish myself.

It's good for me, admittedly, but most definitely surreal.

*chuckles and shakes head, still stunned by it all*

You ever have one of those moments when you're wholly absorbed in something, and then something happens that reminds you of why you have come to this particular place in your life?

We were at the library. The Husbandly One and the Impossible Son had gone off into the children's section to look for books, and the Impertinent Daughter and I had gone to look for manga. The manga and graphic novel section is right across from the yarn crafts section, so when I didn't find what I wanted in manga, I walked over to look at books on knitting, since I'm trying to learn. And I found what looked like a fascinating book, No Idle Hands: The Social History of American Knitting by Anne L. Macdonald (no, that's not a typo, that's the way it's spelled on the cover of the book), so I slipped it off the shelf, opened it, and started reading. You'd think a book about knitting, especially the history of knitting, would be boring, but I was wholly and completely absorbed within seconds. How could I not be, reading about how Boy Scout troops during World War I spent hours knitting squares to be sewn together to make blankets for soldiers heading to France? Or when the township of Andover, Massachusetts, decreed in 1642: </i>"The court doe hereupon order and decree that in every towne then chosen men are to take care of such as are sent to keep cattle that they are sett to some other employment withall as spinning upon the rock, knitting & weaving tape &c that boyes and girls will be not suffered to converse together..."</i>

Oh, I was lost! I was standing there, head bent, book open, completely and totally absorbed and then, I don't know how to describe it adequately. There I was, one moment lost in the book, the next, suddenly aware of a presence, breath against the back of my neck, and then lips on my skin. I gasped and turned... to see bright blue eyes looking into mine, and the Husbandly One smiling at me with mischief.

Normally, any one sneaking up behind me and taking the liberty of kissing me on the neck like that would end up with a bloody nose, because Auntie is a little tightly wired, if you know what I mean! But... somehow, even though I never heard him coming up, even though I wasn't even aware of him until half a second before he did it... I just knew. Somehow, I just knew. And that was just... mind-blowing. After nearly 19 years, you'd think I'd be used to this kind of thing, to just having this... awareness of my husband... but it's constantly a surprise, and it makes me ridiculously happy. Totally ridiculously happy.

*contented sigh*

Miss Priss had a soccer game both on Saturday and on Sunday. And her team lost both of them. *sigh* After yesterday's game, we had a party for the kids, they got their trophies, and had a "Parents VS Kids" game afterwards, which was a HUGE amount of fun. And yes, the Husbandly One played, and so did I! And even more important, I did NOT end up, splayed on the ground, doing a face-plant. Y'all should be immensely proud of me! It was exhausting, and I coughed my lungs up last night, but it was entirely worth seeing the look of delight on the Impertinent One's face when she spotted me playing defense across the field from her. Totally!

Mom, in cleats, running down a forward and keeping him from scoring. Mom, blocking the ball and passing it to midfield. Mom, not dying and not falling. Mom is awesome!

I've won enough awesome points to last me through Christmas!!

I just thought you should all like to know that yesterday was a very, very important day for me.

One of the hallmarks of hypo-thyroidism is... puffy fingers or swollen hands. Because of this latest bought of adventure on the Thyroid Seas, I have not been able to wear my wedding band for about three years or so. In fact, I've been wearing my paternal grandmother's ring for about a year now, so that I didn't feel "unmarried." However, yesterday, on a whim, I picked up my wedding band and slipped it on and you can see the result here...



I cannot even begin to tell you how happy I am!! And I'm still wearing it! The Husbandly One congratulated me and said that perhaps the current dosage of thyroid hormone is working for me. I think he may be right! We'll see if the endocrinologist agrees in two weeks!

*dances off, ridiculously happy*

What do y'all think? And yes, I do own shirts other than this purple one. It's just pure coincidence that I wore the same shirt today when I left to get my hair cut! I am feeling so much cooler now! Ahhhhh...

*is happy*

Some of you may remember THIS little adventure of mine from three years ago.

Well... yesterday, I had a lot of errands to run, and finished up with another visit to the grocery store to pick up things I had forgotten on Tuesday. I was hot, tired, I just wanted to go home, and I was also thinking of things I needed to do when I got there. So, I was again on autopilot. I went to my van, unlocked the back, and started stowing my groceries. Vaguely, at the back of my mind, there was a transient thought of Something's missing, but I rather irritably chalked it up to having forgotten something at the store, and I wasn't about to go back and get it! No, I just wanted to go HOME. It was 102, I was soaked in sweat, and my flip flops were melting to the asphalt. I just wanted out and back into the cool, you know?

So, I close the back of the van and put the basket away, then hop in my car, thinking vaguely, Didn't I put up the sun shade? Oh, well, guess I forgot again and then wondered why the car was still so cool despite sitting in full sun for at least 30 minutes. Then I thought, "Wait... where are the Soot Sprites I hung on the mirror? And when did my car get so clean??"

At that moment, I just happened to look at the car parked on my right... and saw my Soot Sprites hanging from the mirror, in front of a silver sun shade. I wasn't sitting in my car!!

I had done it... AGAIN!!

You know what the worst part was? I had to unload the groceries, then put them in MY car!!!

*dies*

That brief thought I had about something being missing? Yeah, that was the myriad bumper stickers the Husbandly One has thoughtfully put all over the back door of my van!!!

I can say this, the owner of the mirror van no longer has a Virgin Mary on the dashboard or a pink flamingo hanging from the mirror. But her car is still insanely clean!!

After I got over my frustration, I laughed pretty damn hard at myself. And you can imagine that Auntie will very carefully check EVERYTHING before she so much as pokes her key in the door again!!

It's extremely flattering to tell someone that's known you for a while that you're 45, and have them literally fall over in shock, because they didn't think you were any older than 32, at the most!!

106 F??? Are the weather gods NUTS???

*wonders if she can pop popcorn outside on the basketball court*

You know, normally we don't start hitting triple digits out here until the middle of July. We've been hitting triple digits since the last week of May!

*grumbles and goes off to take yet ANOTHER cold shower*

Top Ten Good Things About How Hard Albuterol Makes Auntie Shake

10. I don't need a battery powered toothbrush, because I shake so hard when I'm brushing my teeth, it's practically like having one!

9. I don't have to work that hard making cinnamon toast, because shaking the cinnamon/sugar mix on is a breeze! I don't even have to shake the bottle!!

8. I can do the shimmy without even trying!!

7. Need to draw squiggly lines? Auntie's your gal!!

6. Vibrator. Don't need.

5. No need for a motorized tiller in the garden. Just give Auntie a gardening fork, and and let her rip!!

4. Give her a cranky baby, and she'll jiggle that sucker to sleep in no time!

3. Don't need a sprinkler. Just hand Auntie the water hose and let her go!!

2. One word. Maracas!!

... and the number one good thing about how hard Albuterol makes Auntie shake?

"Watch her wiggle
See her jiggle
Bouncing ta-ta's
Auntie's got the shakes again!!!" **



And just for an extra bonus laugh, I took the kids to Dairy Queen yesterday after my doctor's appointment to get us all some Artic Blasts, which are really just slushies. Anyhow, I went to the drive-thru, because no way did I feel like getting out of the car and walking in! So, I drove up to the intercom thingie, place my order, and wait for the gal to tell me how much it is. But she can't do that, no, she has to offer me something more, right?

This is where Auntie's hearing glitch kicks in. It's hard for me to understand the drive thru intercoms anyway, but most of the time, I figure it out. However, yesterday, my glitch decided to give me an extra entertaining session in the drive-thru.

"Would you like to knit me some argyle socks?"

Blink. Blink. "Er... what was that again?" I said, knowing there was no way in hell she even remotely could have said that!

"Would you like... to knit me... some argyle socks?" she says more slowly.

Blink. Blink. Okay, I KNOW she didn't actually say that. There is simply no way she could have said that. And really, I just... didn't want to ask her again, because I knew I'd hear the same thing again, so I decided to err on the side of caution and said, "Um... no."

"Okay, your total is $5.81, please drive up to the window to pay."

I turned to look at the Impertinent Daughter, who was riding shotgun, and said, "Could you understand what she was saying?"

"No, not really," she said, then grinned knowingly at me, recognizing the signs. "Okay, Mom, what did you hear?"

I told her and she burst out laughing, and we spent a good few minutes trying to decipher it with out any real success. Thus, by the time we drove up to the window, we were semi-hysterical. When the server came to the window, I managed to wheeze out, "What the heck were you asking me over the intercom after I placed my order?"

She blinked and said, "Um, I wasn't taking the orders, Ma'am. But... I can ask." She looked over at the blonde teenager wearing the headset dubiously, then said, "Might not do any good, though."

"That's okay, it's more fun for us to try to figure out anyway," I said, paying her and accepting our slushies.

"Why, what'd you think she said?"

I told her, and she nearly dropped my cup. I have a feeling Miss Ditzy Blonde is going to have a hard time living that one down.

When I told the Husbandly One about it later, he laughed, but as I thought about it, I realized she was probably asking something like, "Would you like to order any more with that?" or "Would you like some extra snacks?" But it doesn't quite fit.

Oh well, I may never know!! File that one away with the man in the grocery store that I could have sworn said, "Beat me, Daddy, I slobbed the knob." And no, he didn't really say that, because (1) he was saying it to his wife while holding his little daughter on his hip, and (2) I was reading his lips, and his mouth didn't match his words, but I was so stunned by what it sounded like, that I just... couldn't get past it!!

** For those of you who don't know, back in the 80's, Jello brand gelatin had a commercial jingle with the lyrics, "Watch it wiggle/See it jiggle/Cool and fruity/Jello Brand Gelatin..."

I needed a profile picture for my Ravelry page, so the Husbandly One obligingly took one of my hands as I worked on a bag...



Yes, I have a bandaged finger. Blame it on excessively dry skin and leave it at that.

And here is the Husbandly One. He's letting his hair grow out, and I promised my mother a shot of him with his ponytail. *squee* He's getting ready to leave for soccer practice, as he has a 3v3 team for a summer tournament in July.



Why, yes, I do find him irresistibly sexy and mouthwateringly hot... why do you ask?

Yes, Random Auntie is random!

Okay, more pic-spam. I was noodling around on Facebook last night, and found that a bunch of my old drum corps buddies had formed a group. This was very cool for me, because I haven't seen or heard from these folks in about a century or two, so... I joined. And I went to the photos page and was stunned to see this...



Okay, after I got over the shock of that SHIRT (omg, did I really wear stuff like that???), and the HEADBAND (I wore that when I wasn't sweating?? Dear gods...), it took me a minute to remember when that was. And I thought, omg, 1983, the year I was drum major, my mohawk had grown out, and I had finally gained some weight after nearly starving myself to death.

Yeah, Auntie was anorexic as a teenager.

It's bizarre to think that about five months before that photo was taken, I weighed a whopping 86 pounds.

*lets y'all get over the shock*

I think I weighed somewhere between 95 to 100 pounds in that photo. Soaking wet. With a heavy purse. And some big clunky shoes.

Is that not a big get-the-damned-camera-outta-my-face-before-I-hurt-you grin? And hello, red hair!! Where did it go?? Because as Chan pointed out during her visit a few months ago, it isn't red now!! *laughs*

Oh well, enjoy another blast from the past!!

Ye gods, where the HELL did I get that shirt???